Day 89

Kelly Ripa: Welcome back! We have two special guests with us. Here in the studio we have Tom From This Universe, and live by satellite, it’s Tom From A Universe With No Dread Virus. So glad to have you both with us! Tom From This Universe, let’s talk about cuisine. What have you been eating for the last few months?

Me From This Universe: Well, let’s see, Kelly I’ve had a lot of chicken curry. And this vegetarian pozole that my habitat-mate makes. But I have to say, more than anything, it’s been bread. And muffins. And homemade crackers. It’s been a carbtastic couple of months.

Kelly: I hear you there! What about you, Tom-From-A-Universe-With-No-Dread-Virus?

MFAUWNDV: Yeah, Kelly, about the same. It was a big bummer, there used to be this cafe by my work that made Portland’s Best Croissant, but they closed to make room for a different cafe. Thankfully there’s still the food card that makes these “bombs” with melted chocolate inside this flaky dough. But that’s only when I take a long lunch. Mostly I’m eating the same curry as Tom From Your Universe, heating it up in the work microwave.

Kelly: Sounds like you both could use some comfort food! You know here in our universe, we’ve been pretty stressed out, wouldn’t you say, Tom From This Universe?

MFTU: Yeah Kelly, it’s been a rough go. Especially when isolation first started, and nobody knew what was going to happen. And work’s been stressful, trying to change all the systems over to a new kind of business, but I guess I’m kind of settling into a groove.

Kelly: TFAUWNDV? You’ve got to be feeling pretty good about things, right?

MFAUWNDV: I guess so? I mean, don’t forget we’ve still got climate change and a rogue president. It’s not like I’m sleeping great over here. Plus, you know how it is in June, every night there’s something scheduled, and on the weekends you’re racing from thing to thing. I tell myself I should be relaxing in the sunshine, but there’s never a chance, and summer’s gone in a snap of your fingers. Me from your universe has a pretty good thing going, I’d say. He’s saving, what, five hours of commute time every week?

Kelly: Is that right, Tom From This Universe.

MFTU: Technically? You two aren’t forgetting the words “global pandemic”, right?

MFAUWNDV: I’m just saying, staying home and working in the trailer? I always wanted to do that, I just never had the guts to ask the boss.

Kelly: Sounds like nice work if you can get it.

MFTU: It’s a tin can! It gets up to a hundred degrees if the sun looks at it sideways. And did I mention all those ants I had to kill?

MFAUWNDV: I heard you got an air conditioner.

MFTU: Well, it was kind of essential.

MFAUWNDV: So you get to have it whatever temperature you want? Maybe you forgot how your co-workers always want the thermostat at, like, 65, and you spend the whole summer wearing a sweater?

Kelly: What do you think, studio audience, does Tom From A Universe With No Dread Virus have the sadder story here?

MFTU: Are you kidding? He gets to eat at restaurants. He gets to see his friends whenever he feels like it. He hugs people without a second thought. He walks into the grocery store like he owns the place.

MFAUWNDV: I heard you have so much free time, you’ve spent hours every night writing nonsense in your diary. No way could I come up with that kind of time. And baking bread? I used to do that, but I couldn’t keep it up. Did you really set your alarm back half an hour? And what about how you’re working overtime but not spending any…

Kelly: Okaaaayy! Good talk! Big thanks to Tom From A Universe Without The Dread Virus for joining us via satellite. Tom From This Universe, it’s been a pleasure as always. We’ll check in with you again next month to see how you’re rolling with the big earthquake. But first, after the break, Ryan sits down with Junior the Orangutan to talk about his viral video, and the best way to fling a poop. I hope it’s underhand! You’re Live with Ryan and Kelly!